3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
