Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize