Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
