You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
