M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
