you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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