I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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