I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
