So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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