i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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