I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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