I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
