my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize