then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
