Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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