sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
