I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
