oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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