Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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