so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'd cum for enchiladas.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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