I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
