that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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