Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
