Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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