i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
