she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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