only if we run a train.
done.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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