i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize