i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
