i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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