Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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