If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
