If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
