I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
