you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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