then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
