He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
