so let's talk penis.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
