You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
