so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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