Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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