Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
