Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
