Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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