he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
