White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
