Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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