my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
this hospital has no fireball
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
