he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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