we have pet lesbian snakes
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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