Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
