how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
