she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
