whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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