I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize