Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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