Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
