At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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