well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
