I cannot find my penis.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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