can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They are going to name an STD after you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
