I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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