whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
