I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
