I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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