girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
