Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
