Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
