based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
