remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
