every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
