I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
