Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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