I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize