I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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