Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
