he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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