Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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