why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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