Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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