whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want to fling myself into the sun
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
where are my eyebrows?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
