And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
