We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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