You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
