I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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