You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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