maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
