cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
