If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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