I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
